The Doors I Keep Shut · Episode Three

The Jealous Ones

The classmates who talked behind my back, a motorbike ride past them, and the lesson that nobody helps for nothing.

By A. L. Said  |  14 November 2026  |  About 5 minutes to read

It is always, most of the time, two ways. This is what I learned.

I had a rule in uni. I did not usually go out with non-Indians. Communication, maybe. I prefer talking in my dialect.

There were scholarship students who did not like me. They tried to make themselves look better than me. They thought they were better than me. I did not take it to heart. Some of them had been affected by me before, in relationship matters. I was nonchalant.

But things became uncomfortable when they started talking bad about me behind my back. Usually, these things would not affect me. This time, I thought, let us play something fun.

There was a Chinese student in my class. I was the only Indian guy taking that subject, so I had no friend in that class. I needed a friend who was good at it. She was cute and classy, and she enjoyed my company. Her closest friend told me she had a thing for me.

I did not want to pursue anything. My rule was clear. But two things happened. One, I needed the help. Two, I thought I should go beyond my rules. This was uni. I should not let my principles hold me back.

So I joined the group. We studied together. Snacks and dinner, sometimes after 8pm. She lived in the East. I lived in the West. She would call from midnight. She gave me her number. For two or three weeks, I did not call her.

Then one day, I told her, let me send you back. She had told me she likes to ride on a bike. The bike was a gift from someone else. That is a story for another episode.

I told her to wait at the bus stop. I would pick her up there. The car park traffic was bad. But that was not the real reason. I purposely wanted to pick her up in front of them, make a U-turn, and send her home. That was the whole plan.

It worked. I saw their faces. Their jaws dropped. A Chinese girl behind me on the motorbike.

I sent her home, then I went back home to the West. Once I settled down, I thought I would ask her how she was doing. There was a one-week holiday coming. She replied. I texted her. Then I called her.

We started talking at 10:30. We finished at 4:30 in the morning. I do not know what we talked about. A lot of things. It went on for three, four days. Then we went back to school. The library. We talked like that for a few weeks.

Then her best friend mentioned she had been absent for a few days. I was shocked. She was not feeling well. Then another friend told me not to call her anymore. She could only call me after 10:00, when her studying was done. That was when she was mostly free. Her parents were around at night, so she had to be back early in the morning.

Then my schedule changed. I had to attend different timings. She had a change in her academic schedule too. So we called and talked more.

That was where I had to put a full stop. I stopped calling her. I did not pick up the phone.

I knew the next semester would be very different. I was taking Economics and Management. She was taking Finance. Our subjects were only one or two in common.

I did feel bad. She had helped me with four subjects. Later, I heard she got a First Class. I felt very guilty. Very remorseful.

But before I conclude, this is what I learned. I was happy that the people who talked bad about me, their jaws dropped. They felt unhappy. They could not sleep for two, three months. They started asking, who was he? Who was she?

When I decided to stop talking to her, I realised I was more of her companion than anything else. Her parents were not with her most of the time. They were doing business, travelling overseas. She was the only child. A domestic helper and a grandmama stayed with her, in a landed property. She needed someone to talk to. Someone to laugh with. I was there.

I entertained her. I gave her enjoyable moments. Watching movies. Giving her a ride back home, casually. Sometimes just sitting with her. She was not my girlfriend. She had no relationship with me. She was enjoying my company. I was enjoying what I was doing. Sometimes she leaned on my shoulder.

It is more about how people feel when they are lonely. They want to be seen. They want to be visible. They want to be appreciated. They want to be thought of. Me being there gave her these things. I was happy to make her happy.

But at the end of the road, what direction was there for either of us? After three or four months, we met. She smiled. I smiled. She looked at me and asked, do you have a girlfriend? I said yes. I did not have one. But yes, for the sake of moving on. She is smart enough. She said, I thought so.

Then we set a limit. She wanted to end it.

I spoke to my friend. He was with me. He knew what was happening. He told me what I did was partly right, but partly wrong. I said it was for her happiness that I continued. He turned to me and said, what did you get from it? I said nothing. He looked at me and said, well, you passed this particular curriculum because she was there. She told you everything. Then a guilty conscience came. I said, yes. Indeed, true.

So when things happen, do not assume someone is helping out of pity, or because you need help. It is probably both ways. I do not think there is anywhere people help only one way. They expect something in return. If not, it does not work.

Take charity. You give charity, you help someone. But most of the time, it is done when someone else is watching. Or you say, I am donating to this place and that place. You are giving yourself an identity, that you are a good person.

Or you let a relative come and stay in your house. You say, I am giving them space. I have a good heart. But are you sure? When my aunties came to stay, on my wife’s side, what did I get? Good food. Good coffee in the morning. Dinner and lunch, a variety of food cooked. I was happy. I did not complain. But when another relative came and stayed, doing nothing much, just sleeping and lying down, I was offended. I got angry. The difference? One gave me something that made me happy. The other gave me nothing.

It is always, most of the time, two ways. This is what I learned.